Sunday, August 30, 2009

Project cancellation and reconsideration.

After spending the last two months in a never-ending spiral of not getting things written (though what could only be described as sheer fear and writer's paralysis) for the elemental project, then not getting proper posts done on the blog (out of guilt for not working on the project), then provoking further paralysis through not making proper posts and not breaking through the wall to get work done, I have concluded that I will have to fold the project.

(I can't even fathom what to do with the blog material to collect it into a publishable form, and the idea frankly makes my head spin; how can I possibly manage to write and assemble what I had in mind? *flailing forever*)

There are a few other factors that have led to this, but by and large the blame falls squarely on myself.

I do have some material, mostly critters and a few items, in postable or almost-postable format. I have no trouble doing so if people would like to see them rather than my sitting on them in the hopes I get the brass to find my muse again.

Perhaps I may be better off leaning towards short pdfs or booklets (if I have the brass at all), until I stop panicking. There is the Egypt idea; that would be, at least, a familiar and comfortable subject. Though I still have no idea what to actually do with the material once produced ...


Please understand that I feel massive guilt at having to call this off (at least for the time being), but I have gotten quite utterly nowhere in the last month and am about to chew my hand off with other massive guilt at having not finished the bloody thing by now and therefore kept people waiting. And my ability to blog has also suffered.

I do offer my greatest of apologies, and if anyone wants to ask questions or suchsort feel free.

16 comments:

myrystyr said...

Hey, no worries - you made an effort, that's the main thing, and you can always recyle some of what you've done at a later date. Same as, half my monsters didn't make it into the S&W Monster Book, but with slight retooling slid perfectly into my own FRPG project a few months later.

taichara said...

@myrystyr:

Thank ye very kindly :3 I do want to work on something, it's a matter of not running away from it once it gets started ...

I'm afraid of disappointing, maybe >.>

Jeff Rients said...

Don't lose heart! I believe in you and so do many others out here in web-land. I recommend letting goal of your guilt. I'm pretty sure all writers at one point or another can see a vast gulf between their desired results and their present work. It is not unbridgeable. Cancel whatever you want, but please remember that every book is written one page at a time and every page is written one paragraph at a time.

taichara said...

@Jeff Rients:

Thank ye kind :3 I still have what I've worked on so far ... Maybe I'll just put it aside for a bit and work on letting go, as you say. It's been a summer and that likely hasn't helped either >.>

I don't want to get swamped and not produce much of anything, writing or here on the blog --

It's how much time I've eaten up already that really makes me want to gnaw my hand off. I feel bad knowing people have shown interest and believe, and that I haven't gotten the show on the road yet.

David Macauley said...

Well personally I am in awe of your prolific creativity. Even if you never post another blog entry again, you given me years worth of gaming material. You have no need to feel guilty or disappointed and you certainly have my gratitude and admiration.

taichara said...

@David Macauley:

A great many thankyous to you, also! :3;; But believe me that I say I do want to keep posting --

It's when I start chasing my tail and miss posts that I get guilty. It's something I've promised, in its way, much as the projects I've been gnawing at I feel as if I'm promised. Thus the spiral I'm trying to shake off --

Chgowiz said...

No worries. I look at some projects as "permanent Work In Progress" (Ultima) so I know that I'll always be late/behind on something.

Do it for love and fun, not for guilt. + what Jeff said. :)

taichara said...

@Chgowiz:

Thank ye very, very much :3

I want the love and the fun back. That's what I need to reconsider ... it hasn't been much other than work and stress for a while now >.>

So, to put it away and find the important parts again --

Chris said...

We're not paying for Hamsterish Hoard, so you don't owe us anything; not content, not explanations.

It's no good writing stuff for a game you enjoy if the very doing of it destroys your enjoyment. Just keep doing what you want to do Tai'. It's generally worth the wait. ;)

(I'd love to see your scratch notes if you're okay with publishing them)

HappyFunNorm said...

I wouldn't cancel it (and not just because I just found it and love this) but because it seems to provide a good service to you.

I think you'd be better trying to change your outlook. Instead of looking at it as something you were compelled to do, think of it more as a repository for neat ideas when you have them. Then, it becomes a service for you. A place to record the kinds of ideas you post here, look them up again later, and to get feedback on them.

It would become a service for you, instead of a service by you.

You might also think about accepting a co-author, editor, or even just submissions from others. You seem to already have a base of readers and a good reputation for quality ideas.

Anyway, I'm glad I found you...

Oddysey said...

Not to put more pressure on you, and if you decide you've got better stuff to do with your time then more power to you, but I'm happy as long as you keep making more monsters. My *character* isn't, and in fact would very much like you to stop -- although in that case Trollsmyth would probably just use even more giant horrible spiders so it comes out more or less even. Anyway, the point is, your stuff comes up in-game fairly often, and now that it's moved to Fire and we're surrounded by various exotic creatures it'll probably come up even more, and whenever it does it's always really cool. Terrifying, yes, but usually eerily beautiful as well.

taichara said...

@everyone ~:

Thank ye very very kindly :3


@Chris:

I'll give myself a bit of time to sort things through in my head and ratchet down the panic levels. Then if I'm still folding this project, I'll start posting critters ~


@HappyFunNorm:

I think a bit of clarification may be in order *sheepish* It's not this blog that I am putting away, but a seperate project of elemental critters and whatnot that I was intending to publish.

My stress over that has been adversely affecting the blog, which I want to give priority to. Don't worry, the hamsters are still going to be hoarding :3 Thank ye for the support!


@Oddysey:

It's a relative lack of elelmental critters here on the blog since I started the project that is a major bone of contention I have with myself, actually. It feels that I'm holding back things I could post, when I don't know when or if they'll see the light of day otherwise as long as I keep flailing ...

As noted above, the blog itself isn't going anywhere :3 (although there may be spiders. mweeheehee.)

noisms said...

As some practical advice, you can "export" your blog and download it as an xml file, which makes it easier to organise into publishable form. That's what I'm doing as I gradually put together some pdfs.

I'm perfectly happy just reading your blog, though. It never disappoints! ;)

taichara said...

@noisms:

Hm ... I may have to try that exporting trick at some point. It may very well make things easier, as you say --

Thank ye muchly for the support :3

myrystyr said...

Welcome thou art!

Export blog to PDF, yes, and make available as 'work in progress' download. No, I'm not too lazy too go through your blog and copy/paste what I like; the more time I spend online, the less time gets spent on my own creative projects ;)

Alex Schroeder said...

Also consider pairing up with somebody else. Let a partner assemble and layout a collection of critters and items from your blog. You focus on what you like to do and find somebody else to complement your talent.